If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I enjoy the company of your penis
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