1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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