I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
