listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
