waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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