Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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