That's intense
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
