A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
