It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
