actually, I'm a sock model
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
