so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
