Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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