no you cant smoke seaweed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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