I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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