What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
