Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
