Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
