The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
