I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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