Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
