East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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