it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
