Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
