I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
50% drunk capacity currently
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
