I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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