porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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