my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Randomize
