it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
