I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Even my vagina gasped.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
