I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
