Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
