Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
