Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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