i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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