Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
