am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
