he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
