She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
