NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
