so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize