If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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