Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sext me about skeletons
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
