I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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