Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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