Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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