i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
