to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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