We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
