haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
