hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
