worst night to have a conscience
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
