My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
