with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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