bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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