Me. At least after what I've been through.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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