eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
