My first STD was from a foam party
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
