new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
