I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
