if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
