Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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