Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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