do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
