Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
