Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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