whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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